Winter Driving for Idiots

Winter blanked much of the Midwest this week. For those drivers who have never seen the white stuff we call snow, or who have forgotten how to drive in it since last year, here's a quick guide.

1. Four wheel drive does not make you invincible. At best it helps keep you from getting stuck, but the same laws of physics apply to SUVs as do any other car on the road. More so if you're dumb enough to drive a heavier vehicle faster than you have any right to. Anyone who drives 75 mph in a Chevy Suburban or Ford Expedition on a snow covered road deserves to be permanently taken out of the gene pool.

2. If you own a rear wheel drive car and try to drive without snow tires or weight in the back, you will get stuck. The only thing worse than a rear wheel drive car is a rear wheel drive SUV. People who drive rear wheel drive SUVs do so because they were too cheap to buy one with four wheel drive. These same people are also too cheap to buy sand or something else to put weight in the back of their cars. They deserve to have you thumb your noses at them while they sit there spinning their wheels.

3. Anti-lock brakes and traction control will only do so much on snow and ice. The purpose of anti-lock brakes are to help keep you from skidding out of control. They will not help you stop faster. The same goes for traction control. Like four wheel drive, both devices help, but they don't make you invincible.

4. Talking on the cell phone while driving is bad enough, but it's deadly stupid when there is snow and ice on the road. If you're texting you must be brain dead. I honestly would prefer people to drive drunk than text--it's that dangerous. And if you do either, or both at the same time, I hope you win a Darwin award someday.